MudNCrud Forums
Sitting and Day Dreaming => Mud Puddle => Topic started by: Brad Young on March 14, 2023, 07:09:14 PM
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America’s southwest desert is an interesting, spectacular and wonderful place. Outdoor recreation opportunities abound there, but they come with costs.
One such cost is wonderfully described in the ultra-classic, older climbing guidebook to the soft sandstone of Sedona, Arizona. In its chapter called “Sedona Plants,” the book claims that botany in this area is really very simple. It is simple because plants in the desert fit into just one of two categories: those plants that hurt, maim, or kill, and those found in places other than Sedona. Desert plants, says the author, are equipped with “arsenals” and they don’t attack singly, but in numbers.
The name of this climbing guidebook, by the way, is “A Better Way to Die.”
I’ve spent huge amounts of time in this area’s deserts over many years. Joshua Tree, Red Rocks, the Eastern Sierra Nevada, I’ve even climbed a fair amount in Sedona. And so I've experienced a lot of these "killer plants." I've also seen the beauty of this land and enjoyed moving over it. But I’ve never backpacked in the desert; indeed, I’ve never gone more than a few miles into the back country.
All this came to a head a few months ago, when Laura Dawson happened upon a relatively new, long desert trail during a PCT-related internet search. Laura called this trail to my attention. Just hearing the name left me immediately interested. It’s called The Grand Enchantment Trail. It starts east of Phoenix, Arizona (the GRAND Canyon state) and extends to just west of Albuquerque, New Mexico (the land of ENCHANTMENT). A total of 770 miles. The trail is still a fairly new concept, mostly traveling already existing trails, but requiring some linkups through rougher, or, alternatively, more civilized country.
More than just the name was interesting to me. The idea of exploring the back country of an area I barely knew was exciting. Trying out a mountain range called The Superstitions sounded fun. I guess it would be fair to say that my first exposure to the trail left me a bit “enchanted.”
But I couldn’t find as much detail about the G.E.T. as is available for other long trails like the PCT and the Arizona Trail. This is easy to understand; G.E.T. has only existed as a concept for less than a decade and it takes time to plan and implement the creation of a trail such as this. I was able to find just one “guidebook” online and some maps to go with it.
Vicki and I had planned this year what’s become an annual southwest desert van trip. We often wander on these trips with barely any itinerary. Normally I get in a little climbing and the dog(s) and I hike a lot.
This year I asked Vicki to support me in at least a start on this trail. I wanted to start with Segment One, 30.3 miles through the Superstition Wilderness from the trail's start, just east of Phoenix. In planning though we could not find a four wheel drive vehicle to borrow or to beg a ride. So I decided to make it a 34.2 mile hike instead: I’d hike the most difficult part of the road out from the pickup trailhead to meet Vicki.
The Trail starts in the Superstition Wilderness, less than five miles from Lost Dutchman State Park. We staged there with this view of the Superstition Mountains:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52747666437_683fcefecc_c.jpg)
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52748685728_f90d069627_c.jpg)
Climbers will be interested to know that there’s a fair amount of climbing on the spires to the left in the photos. On decent rock too.
The trail begins at the very popular First Water Trailhead:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740515039_5daf0b5e69_c.jpg)
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740751748_bc2378f057_c.jpg)
Naturally our older dog Halifax would join me on this backpack. The younger girl Digby wasn't big, strong or experienced enough yet to do more than hike out the first half mile with Vicki. That didn't stop her from having fun though (between this area and Joshua Tree and all the stuff in between though Digby gained a huge amount of desert experience on this trip - she'll go with us next time):
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740516159_379dc86ca1_c.jpg)
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740694325_41d5eebb5d_c.jpg)
Note the water that the girls are playing in. This was a very pleasant surprise in an area that the guidebook called "very dry." At least usually. As an example, the "first reliable water" on this part of the trail is nine miles from the start. But not this trip. Arizona's weather has matched California's to a large extent this winter and the amount of water we encountered was, according to locals I talked to, amazing.
The first few miles of the trail included easy ups and easy downs. The tread was very obvious and brush cleared well to the sides of the trail. These are mostly typical views from the trail's first six miles:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740261701_0704e646fe_c.jpg)
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740279846_e12f83a3cb_c.jpg)
I say "mostly" above because although almost everything in sight was relatively flat desert with some ridges and valleys, "the" needle wasn't:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52739764322_14b20fbab9_c.jpg)
"The" needle is Weavers Needle. I use "the" because none of the people I saw on the trail used anything other than "the needle." It's a huge spire that dominates the view from everywhere in six miles (and, for climbers, it has several multi-pitch climbing routes on it and features two cleared and flat tent camping spots on its summit).
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52739764907_8f4f7bcfab_c.jpg)
Once past the needle, the trail follows canyons and (usually dry) creeks until they aren't helpful and then moves over ridges to new such features. Boulder Creek and then over and across the heavily flowing Needle Creek:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740693690_10159feb64_c.jpg)
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740281271_660f14475a_c.jpg)
We spent the second half of the first day in La Barge Canyon. Very pretty, very wet and cliff-lined in parts:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52739770912_23919a7b65_c.jpg)
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52739771152_367192883e_c.jpg)
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740539834_b72d2ee7d3_c.jpg)
Midway up La Barge we reached that first reliable water at Charlebois Spring (pronounced "Charlie Boy Spring"). It flows from the canyon which touches the right side of this photo:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740699465_957dbee3c0_c.jpg)
“Charlie Boy’s” water didn't matter to us on this trip, only it's beauty.
Trail conditions started to deteriorate after we passed Charlebois. The Grand Enchantment Trail is a connection of already-existing trails, but this far into the wilderness, these already-existing trails were in pretty poor condition. Although the trail tread stayed good (this would NOT be the case for most of day two), heavy brush crowded the trail up here. And this intruding brush wasn't the type "...found in places other than Sedona." Instead, at this point, it was brush which (only) hurt.
First among this brush was acacia, or in common nomenclature, Cat's Claw. Why call a plant "Cat's Claw?" Well, this is a good and relevant question. For those who haven’t “played” with Cat’s Claw, picture a plant of variable size. From hip high to a small tree. Spindly and long branches which are covered with thorns. But not normal thorns. No wimpy rose-like thorns out here in the desert. Instead the thorns on Cat’s Claw are like cat’s claws. They curve inward. Brush against one thorn and it hooks in and pulls the whole branch at you. Normally a hiker can continue along, but claw after claw after claw catch and pull and slow. Some even cut and tear. It’s nasty stuff - Mother Nature making barbed wire look child-like.
And above Charlebois long stretches of trail had Cat’s Claw lining both sides. Naturally the Cat's Claw was mixed in with cactus (at least seven kinds), the occasional Ocotillo (wow, what absolute needles for spines). There was even some run of the mill scrub oak and other relatively harmless plants protruding onto the trail.
Still, the weather was great, we had plenty of water, the trail tread was obvious, and we were moving along at a good pace. The canyon narrowed into Upper La Barge Box and we eventually found a place to camp with water, a flat spot and… acacia everywhere. It worked. Camp for night one:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740700245_d2b15d0c08_c.jpg)
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We were pretty deep in the Superstition Wilderness for all of day two. Deep enough that we saw no other people all day. And deep enough that the trails were basically unmaintained, varying from non-existent, to hints, to oh-look-an-actual-trail quality.
The first mile was typical. Slowly up a desert ridge with little to no trail tread visible among pebbles, rocks and brush. I only had to back-track to find the trail two or three times here. Trail ducks helped in this regard (people sometimes call these cairns, but technically cairns mark a location such as a summit or a trail junction while trail ducks mark an ongoing trail). This trail had ducks every 50 to 100 feet and even if one could not see the next one, continuing in the same direction usually had the desired result (seeing the next duck).
After reaching the headwaters of Trapp Canyon the trail became noticeable. Here's a photo of the path continuing up to what is called a "viewful pass" between watersheds (it was).
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52739787607_37689f5edd_c.jpg)
To give more of a sense of the terrain, here's the view down from the pass:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52739783307_303f4bb0c0_c.jpg)
After working back down to a drainage and then following it very carefully (the guidebook warned that the trail in this canyon was "vague"), the remnants of an old road bed led up to a plateau and this trail junction:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740553384_bacb94e693_c.jpg)
With this pretty nice view:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52739784202_88819bfb30_c.jpg)
Then the trail got hard to follow. The map and the guidebook mentioned following a low angle ridge for "about" a mile before starting to leave the ridge as a traverse. Ok, "about a mile" and if I get off "trail" I'll be moving across a sea of nasty and mean plants over rocky terrain, to what end?
Here's a spot of that ridge where, if no trail was apparent, at least there was relatively clear ground to move across:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740712960_bfa9f9c9c3_c.jpg)
I averaged a little over a mile an hour for three miles here. I must have backtracked eight or ten times to the last seen duck on a trail that consisted of nothing more than ducks every 20 to 120 feet. Still, as long as I kept myself relatively patient, I was able to enjoy the sights and respect the terrain. The desert plants? Well, this was more open than the canyons had been by far and I counted myself lucky to get snarled up only once every few hundred feet.
Here's more of that section looking back up trail from almost to Clover Spring (with some imagination a trail tread is visible):
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740712435_b62ebce4c7_c.jpg)
As we climbed the views got more expansive. At one point we could see the spires with climbs on them which overlooked Lost Dutchman State Park:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740299886_ccbb237b5f_c.jpg)
The last mile of a very hard 12 mile day led down this canyon to Angel Basin:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740713340_44906ccf1c_c.jpg)
Although the trail tread was at least well visible down this drainage, the brush, and especially the Cat's Claw in this section was just outrageous. I cursed a few times. We reached Angel Basin, one of the prettiest spots on the hike:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740300791_e7308e7f73_c.jpg)
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740300991_1fa097e27e_c.jpg)
The night was cold here (on both mornings I shook large amounts of frozen dew off my tent and my gear). This deep in the canyon we weren't expecting sun early either and so we made a cold start (hiking warmed us up fairly soon though).
Very quickly we came upon a group of small, 700 year old cliff dwellings. I spent time gazing at these and wondering what life would have been like for a person who, for their entire life, likely never traveled more than five or maybe ten miles from this spot:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740714215_ebeec35b4b_c.jpg)
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740792503_ba46c12e37_c.jpg)
Although the guidebook described the trail from Angel Basin to the Rogers Trough Trailhead as "better," I'm not sure I'd agree. True, large parts of the trail through this canyon were easy to follow and some weren't even very brushy. But I guess I was a little tired of being ripped at by this point. We continued on. Here's a shot down this canyon. It's designed to show the canyon, but look at the lower right corner of the photo and trail tread is visible:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52739786462_1a3e53ffe1_c.jpg)
We were approaching 5,000 feet elevation by this point and saw patches of snow (I always love snow in the desert):
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740714590_d07a35769e_c.jpg)
And then, near the top of the canyon with a better trail, I got lost. Sort of. I knew where I was in the canyon and I basically knew which direction I had to go. But I could not find the trail for about 15 minutes. In retrospect I can see that, in part, this was because recent high water flows had wiped out a piece of trail. Anyway, I ended up backtracking three times before just telling myself "tough crap" and going where my gut told me was right. This worked and only 50 feet past where I'd turned around before, I saw the edge of "it." "It" in this case being the Arizona Trail. The G.E.T. and the Arizona Trail use the same tread for the last 1 1/4 mile to the trailhead and the difference between the G.E.T. before and after joining the Arizona Trail was like night and day (like hiking Moses Spring Trail at Pinnacles versus moving cross country from it, through brush, up to Marmot Wall, as an example).
We were soon at the trailhead.
As I had a snack and some water, I talked to the only people there: four fairly old people (early 80s) who'd driven up on three ATVs just to enjoy the drive and the view. They immediately confirmed that the last four miles up to the trailhead were not passible to at least normal two wheel drive vehicles but that after that distance the road wasn't too bad.
Glad that we hadn't had Vicki try to drive this section in the van, Hallie and I started walking the road to finish the day.
We got one quarter mile before the old folks caught up to us and stopped. They'd talked after we walked away and had come up with a plan to help. And so, implementing their plan, Halifax rode on one ATV between its driver and passenger (what a good girl) and I rode on the back of another. We did this for 16 miles - Vicki found a place where she didn't think the van could pass and had stopped to re-assess (our transportation plan, not our marriage... I think).
Vicki's eyes lit up when we all rode up to her on the ATVs - seeing her surprise and apparent delight was a delight in itself. None of us thought to get photos of this ride - Hallie and I were headed out and weren't about to stop that process for anything, and Vicki was surprised enough that she didn't think of it.
After the (very kind) old folks left us I took stock of how this trip had treated us. Halifax is tough and very, very experienced in the back country. The trip left her limping a bit for the last few miles. No amount of searching by me (with headlamp and reading glasses) could identify what was wrong with her left front paw (I wasn't too worried though - whatever was wrong with that paw did not stop her from running on ahead of me as we hiked and after a few days rest it turned out to be fine).
As for me, my lightweight hiking pants had taken the worst of the beating. Here's one leg:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740302861_0e58132455_c.jpg)
My legs got pretty sliced and diced too, right through the long pants:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740556799_c0b5ffbb42_c.jpg)
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52740302731_a535907a59_c.jpg)
But all in all I was satisfied.
I'd kept Vicki hanging long enough and decided not to hike the next leg on this trip (it's 18 miles - but also co-located with the Arizona Trail and so likely not too bad to do in a day). We headed home.
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Not really selling this trail, but it still looks like a fun adventure. I think what you really need is some hiking partners. Maybe you’ll have some retired friends in the future who can join you on your next hike.
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Not really selling this trail, but it still looks like a fun adventure. I think what you really need is some hiking partners. Maybe you’ll have some retired friends in the future who can join you on your next hike.
Yeah, this trail isn't for those who just want to stroll. It's all about the adventure.
And retired people? Maybe you're on to something here. Certainly retired people were the key to our easy trail exit on this trip. I should give them another try in the future.
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Thanks Brad! I hope to convert a few work weeks a year into time spent in the wilderness.
Claire asked me if I was going to have my head buried in reading about the GET for the next month as I was reading your trip report last night. She thought I was looking up whatever I could find through a google search. I explained what a ‘Trip Report’ is and that this one was ‘Brad’s’ fresh off the trail.
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Nice job Brad.
Looks like a "fun" adventure.
Glad to see your boss gave you a break from our crappy California weather.
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Please send me one of your unwashed bandanna or a sock.
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^^^
Absolutely not.
But I encourage you to go make your own in the desert. Go sweat and bleed and then, most importantly, do a trip report.
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How am I going to find my way if I can’t track you? Forget maps and gps. I’m bringing a bloodhound.
I’ll could bring him to your work and let him sniff your chair.
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Your bloodhound is currently camper-camping in southern Nevada. He's useless right now.
But I'll go back out there with you, boot you out of the car in the right direction and you will no doubt figure it out from there. When we going?
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I’m actually a little disappointed in the title “A Start” hardly sums up this trip. It should have been something like “Clawing to get back on the trial”
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I’m actually a little disappointed in the title “A Start” hardly sums up this trip. It should have been something like “Clawing to get back on the trial”
Unfortunately this post will leave me no choice but to beat you or to have you beaten. The typographical error in the last word is, considering what you know about me, unforgivable.
That's exactly what I am trying to get away from (and the plan is working and within a year...).
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Ah the hell with a beating. Too archaic. But penalty slack on a scary lead.
Yeah, that'll do.
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Your bloodhound is currently camper-camping in southern Nevada. He's useless right now.
But I'll go back out there with you, boot you out of the car in the right direction and you will no doubt figure it out from there. When we going?
Laura's baby shower is April 8th, 1-4 pm. I might head east directly after.
That bloodhound, is a rockhound too. I do think he is aging 7 years for every human year though, redefining the meaning of "old soul".
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^^^
Cue Noal to post the album cover at least:
- Head East
- Flat as a Pancake
- Never Been Any Reason
One of the very best one hit wonders.
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...I do think he is aging 7 years for every human year though, redefining the meaning of "old soul".
Are you kidding? He doesn't even have any gray hair. That wonder-woman he hangs out with keeps him young.
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Armageddon meets the Fountain of Youth
I meant inside, how do you think he retains so much information.
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^x17
I haven't even attempted to read this thread yet but JEEZUS that is a lot of keyboarding from a guy who evidently pretends not to like it.
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^x17
I haven't even attempted to read this thread yet but JEEZUS that is a lot of keyboarding from a guy who evidently pretends not to like it.
You should read the thread. I think you'll be able to track it. And once you're on the scent you'll probably enjoy what you've read.
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You should read the thread. I think you'll be able to track it. And once you're on the scent you'll probably enjoy what you've read.
Hmmmmm...a veiled insult that smells fishy :lol: :ciappa:
Gonna have to wait for a rainy day - and it appears I won't have to wait long.
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Steve figured it out…New Zealand!!
It’s not the pinnacles, but an exception can be made.
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I’ve now been told that a miracle may occur on this trail in the next one month.
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So you went to Porky’s Fortune Tellers? The part about me digging a tick out of your gorgeous leg is true, you need more visible scars, but not the part about me kissing it all better. So no miracle.
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Arizona will have to wait until autumn. It’s getting to be like Brad’s legs.
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Heading to Phoenix now. Looking like decent weather starting Saturday. Hoping to get at least another 50 miles done. There are enough pickup points that it’ll likely be all day hikes (if I can manage 18 plus miles on day one).
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(if I can manage 18 plus miles on day one).
After such a long hike, would you mind if I stopped by to check if any of your blisters look like they may become infected and turn into a Super Boil? I'm quite good at gently applying anti-bacterial cream as a preventative measure. I suggest a rest day and eating lots of salty chips which will induce proper re-hydration. Do they sell BLL in AZ?
Looks like I will be staying at a Marriott nearby, unless you have a king-size bed and don't sprawl when you sleep.
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Do you wear gaiters or boots to shield against desert vegetation defenses?
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Tough day. But other than tired muscles, I only suffered one skin issue: snow caused wet feet and I let one toe go too long before taping. That toe is now missing some skin on top and very tender. Rest day today, easy day tomorrow and then two pretty long days which may become longer depending on how far we can drive in toward the trail from the highway.
EDIT:
No, I always hike in low-tops. Yesterday in my well-broken-in La Sportiva Boulders.
And this day was nothing like parts of last year's trip - the trail tread in this section is shared with the Arizona Trail and is very well established with very little intruding brush.
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^
Sounds like you got the worst day over (nice job) and good to hear that the trail is in better shape now (hope it stays that way). Makes me wonder why no one keeps the section you were on last year in better shape.
It finally quit raining here but the roads are still a mess in spots (tree litter) and there's quite a bit of deadfall around my uni circuit.
Looking forward to enjoying a dry spell and some sunshine.
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Well apparently they let just anyone on this trail. I’ll be damned 😀
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Hey, you said you wanted my honest opinion on your state of mind while under observation for 2 days.
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Hey, you said you wanted my honest opinion on your state of mind while under observation for 2 days.
The lunatics "running" the asylum.
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This lunatic hopes to get to the Gila River tomorrow. One two mile section of “follow a wash with no trail” will lead to a partial trail and then rejoining the virtual highway that is the Arizona Trail. And then due east along the river to a pickup point.
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rejoining the virtual highway that is the Arizona Trail
Those bike packers make nice trails. ;)
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Those bike packers make nice trails. ;)
The Arizona Trail is open to mountain bikes. It's also longer-established, better known and a lot more heavily used. Finding the A.Z.T. is never an issue.
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The AZT is one of the most popular bikepacking races in the U.S.
When you get to the Grand Canyon you have to partially disassemble the bike attach it to a backpack and hike rim to rim.
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The AZT is one of the most popular bikepacking races in the U.S.
When you get to the Grand Canyon you have to partially disassemble the bike attach it to a backpack and hike rim to rim.
I did not know that. Do you know what time of year they run it? It wouldn't seem possible to do it in the hot months.
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It's been a bit since I've looked but I believe it is in October. It's a self supported self timed race. I think most people do it in the early fall or spring. Here's a cool site to read up on it. https://oneofsevenproject.com/arizona-trail-guide-bikepacking/ (https://oneofsevenproject.com/arizona-trail-guide-bikepacking/)
Right now it is too cold and there's too much snow and the summer is definitely too hot.
Bikers do a lot of trail maintenance and building for AZT.
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Look who I found in the cold desert southeast of Phoenix. Aren't they beautiful! (especially on the left and in the foreground)
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53529108663_14c2b29c77_z.jpg)
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Ten thousand words...
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53529134693_f622793419_z.jpg)
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(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53529245064_d485076c1e_z.jpg)
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53529116538_0c3e6f2a18_z.jpg)
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53528047727_005bc145ec_z.jpg)
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Nice.
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Finding the A.Z.T. is never an issue.
This makes me think Dallas Buyer's Club
I did not know that.
This takes me back to when late night TV was actually worth a shit.
The answers are in envelopes and have been hermetically sealed in a mayonnaise jar. Put that in yer Funk and Wagnalls'.
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(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53529245899_481ff35a8d_h.jpg)
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Size Matters
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Today was one of the hardest hikes I can remember doing. I was mentally preparing to make a rough bivy on the trail. Once I got to the van I had to lay on the bed for an hour and a half before I could try to get up. Almost threw up a small bowl of mashed potatoes.
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Today was one of the hardest hikes I can remember doing. I was mentally preparing to make a rough bivy on the trail. Once I got to the van I had to lay on the bed for an hour and a half before I could try to get up. Almost threw up a small bowl of mashed potatoes.
From what you said this morning it sounds like you had caught a bad bug and your choice of R&R was relentless and rigorous.
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Yeah, starting at 5:00 a.m. Several severe “runs to the bathrooms” so to speak. But by 9:30, two doses of Imodium had it stopped so I went for it. Starting exhausted and dehydrated made 16.8 warm miles feel like 25.
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From Tiny Baubles
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53529245899_481ff35a8d_h.jpg)
To Hello Dolly
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/pw/ABLVV86Mos3p5W0q9j5ThevtE6sX8ztk2fi4_mwMSscMrdcumxRwwYNepxU-XJfYC-V-pJcVizxroNMdaKHFHpYCQJGhPuJVj57YaZstBNGAbu0pd8esZmSYxG8UiqRgjCk1mu_LgpRyBxUfOYEhRcfUlxu2=w448-h598-s-no-gm?authuser=0)
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(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/pw/ABLVV85zaJimzPlTKx0z7hKmNG44ZPMXG91U3zZLvaYNsuR_F6_ZAsnmbEY_FXACX7lf1OgwSsCg60aFoNjEe0FmLgHNUM95uo7KqwQbRhvu84DIDv_Oyqbmvh1tk2XEAFX-wfXeE0T59eZmV9Rab4ndoQnP=w521-h598-s-no-gm?authuser=0)
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That last one must be over 60 years old!
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Cactus confusion
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/pw/ABLVV855DoURv41wkjASuPqwP-BNNdxu7dQMwXERTnGVqElkuEgMNZHyRaxO9U9tvPhnSi7kxdWIZ8Qa3CeGUUoI3K1hub1fXmQRqZEMvPwC36HV_IRxuFbxgFyNxm56BZp4UIEvpaGhvmHWa_dLStsIpxoH=w519-h598-s-no-gm?authuser=0)
I like this one because it looks like it's flipping you off 7 ways to Sunday
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/pw/ABLVV8704HXSmmvI_ZsHNTk08RgRST6IDW8C4kCRAVHwDOzwiiFABd5v-VtV4wu2vEupSgmylaIdFpp4r-cmO9BFrCm4eZKQfK7II_iPiVYddwEQWVtbd_dQ6yjGJ_r-cnu781NnpnR8x9ihHk4XK7uRMCL8=w448-h598-s-no-gm?authuser=0)
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The answers are in envelopes and have been hermetically sealed in a mayonnaise jar. Put that in yer Funk and Wagnalls'.
That's some wild and crazy stuff.
Top one looks like one of those fan guys on the side of the road by a used car lot or furniture store.